Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Wave After Wave

The Fourth Wave of Democracy is about to wash away yet another pylon of corrupt rascalism. Doomed Dictator, Thy Name Be Mugabe. The Democratic Opposition is getting juiced up, with Catholic Archbishop Pius Ncube joining the fray. The Archbishop is winding up to throw the bullshit flag, rallying people for massive nonviolent political action should Mugabe’s one-party kingdom steal the election with some delicious fraud. President-for-life/Dictator de facto Mugabe, however, is preparing himself. He’s already labeled anyone who votes for the democratic opposition a “traitor” (is Ann Coulter his campaign manager?). Apparently in 1985 he pulled similar antics, and post-election there was much beating, killing, and general antagonism toward anyone who didn’t vote for the ruling party. This time he’s gearing up for more of the same, with a small army of paramilitary thugs ready to beat, harass, and starve anyone who opposes him.

This reminds me of the following SNL sketch of “election” coverage under Saddam:

"Daljit Kalakh Galanlaneesh:
Well, Pervez, here is my suspicion: the ballots being
used this year are a little confusing.

Pervez Al-Huwayeh: Okay, okay, walk
us through it.

Daljit Kalakh Galanlaneesh: Okay,
see, here is the box for Saddam...

Pervez Al-Huwayeh: ...He Whose
Benevolence Spreads Like a Milk Through the Tigris

Daljit Kalakh Galanlaneesh: ...yes,
the Sturdy Bridegroom of the Iraqi State, yes, the one
and only -- ah, but there is a box marked 'No' here...

Pervez Al-Huwayeh: Okay, okay... see,
already you have *lost* me.

Daljit Kalakh Galanlaneesh: Okay,
okay... I'll explain it in more detail. See, marking
this box is a vote *for* Saddam, and marking *this*
box means, 'No, I am *not* voting for Saddam.'

Pervez Al-Huwayeh: Once again,
[waving hand over head] whoosh! I am *very* confused,
I do not envy those voters out there at the polls.
Actually, I am just getting word that earlier today
that two of these 'No' votes were cast by secret

Daljit Kalakh Galanlaneesh: That's
right, Pervez, cast by secret ballot in Saddam's home
village of Tikrit by Omar Bakeesh and Tariq

The two men who voted “no” by secret ballot were then shown, running away from police. I’m sure Mugabe has about the same in mind.