Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Privatize the Porn Patrol

Jason Feifer at HappyScrappy has a humorous take on the Justice Department's directives on fighting porn:

September 20, 2005

Get ready for "Gretta Does Guantanamo"

wanted-osamajenna.jpg

The FBI is setting up a new squad to attack one of Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales's "top priorities" -- but it's not terrorism or corruption. It's porn. And, oh no, not child porn. Just regular ol' legal, by-adults-for-adults porn.

I feel safer already. I mean, who knows when one of these porn stars might come by and kidnap me, and make videos of me in which I'm blindfolded and breasts are held against my head? Who knows when a porn star might get on a bus or subway line, or walk into a crowded nightclub, and then blow everyone in sight? Who knows how many of these porn stars have pilot licenses, and could just spread those wings at any time? This is a risky world we live in, and we have to take every threat seriously.


This led me to thinking. If we MUST have federal agencies scoping out obscene adult porn on the Net, isn't this prime federal real estate for privatizing to contractors? If so, I volunteer the services of myself and the other members of this blog to stamp out smut, for a reasonable, negotiable fee, of course. Al, ole buddy, give us a call, or better yet, just show up in person to our next happy hour at Big Hunt in DuPont.