Monday, January 02, 2006

THE LAME LIST

I meant to get this piece in 2005, but what better way to start 2006 than size up this year's biggest losers. These people usually succeeded not just in embarassing themselves, but their colleagues, families, and friends. They typically also managed to single-handedly start shitstorms the likes of which will probably cloud them for years to come. I name only five, mostly because I'm too busy to name 10.

Disclosure: I stole this title from the old Seattle sketch comedy show Almost Live! So I'm not that original. Almost Live! was quite funny, and I gladly rip them off.

1) Harriet Miers. Gets nominated to Supreme Court, has life thrown under a microscope and all of her thank you notes deconstructed so much that it would make Jacques Derrida blush. Conservative bloggers and activist throw a fit, and paint her as the dumbest thing since dumb came to dumbtown. All to be withdrawn. Lame.

2) Mike Brown. This crony was like a deer in the headlights when a category five hurricane nearly destroyed New Orleans. He was obviously too busy sending emails about himself being a "fashion god" to do anything about the situation. The furor and embarassment of his performance led to his resignation with a quickness. Lame.

3) Gov. Kathleen Blanco. Another Katrina embarassment. Her pissing contest with the federal government and own state's complete lack of preparedness nearly match that of Mike Brown's FEMA. Sure, she managed to shift much of the blame, but in the end she was just as responsible and unable to do anything about the situation. Lame.

4) Gov. Howard Dean. I could go on and on about this fool. After being elected DNC Chair this year in a sweeping victory, Dean proceeds to engage in the worst shouting matches of name-calling I've seen since a Junior High game of dodgeball. Give Dean a microphone, and he will guaranteed alienate about 3/4s of America. He singlehandedly continues to remind doubting Republicans of everything that's wrong with Democrats. Lame.

5) "Scooter" Libby. I don't think I even need to really comment on this one, nor will I link. Indicted for basically lying about a non-crime, and also sitting Judith Miller in jail for months because of a misunderstanding. That he wrote an extremely graphic and bizarre novel set in feudal Japan still has me chuckling. Lame.

And that's all. May 2006 bring us less idiocy. As it's an election year, though, I have a feeling it'll be more.