Monday, January 09, 2006

Show Me... The Breathalyzer

The State of Missouri is truly an endless source of bemusing and mindless entertainment, especially when it comes to politics and public policy.

First it was the issue of gay marriage, then it was all about the freedom of choice, and now -- wait for it --- beer!!

Yes, darlings, according to an AP story out of the Show Me! state's capital, Jefferson City, State Senator Bill Alter wants to make grocery and convenience stores sell warm beer. Why? Because drivers would be less tempted to open a warm beer when driving away from the store, and the number of drunk driving incidents would go down.

Hah! First of all, I don't think that Alter knows who he's dealing with. The folks who see nothing wrong with poppin' one open behind the wheel would hardly be detered from it by the beer's temperature. I mean, yes, I have had warm beer and it's absolutely gross, but then again I do not have an addiction to alcohol, nor do I regard my life and the lives of other motorists as something to be gambled with on account of a six-pack of Bud Light.

Before I had the time to read the entire article, I almost gave Alter some creativity points. Almost. But alas, the cold beer ban was, in fact, not the brainchild of Senator Alter but of a Jefferson City fifth-grader, a participant in a program that teaches kids about state government.

Two thoughts on the matter:

1) I don't know whether to be thankful or disappointed that the idea did not come from a publicly elected official.

2) What the hell are they teaching fifth-graders in government class these days? I am sincerely concerned. Although... in light of 42's taste for cigars and 43's penchant for powder, beer policy does seem rather harmless.