Tuesday, April 25, 2006

If it's not Starbucks, it's not a grande

Okay, I haven't been blogging lately in part because I'm such a cheerful, happy-go-lucky guy that I lack the acerbic, I-hate-the-world-so-fuck-you-all attitude that really makes a blog zing. But I figure I make up for that by hyphenating every other word.

Anyway, I have a minor gripe to share.

I work part time--for the extra cash, and for the soul-enriching experience*--at a coffeehouse. It's an independent coffeehouse, and as a long-time customer, as well as a current staffer, I must say, it's pretty cool.

So I find it slightly annoying when someone orders a "grande."

Look, guys, that's a Starbucks thing and so far as I can tell, ONLY a starbucks thing.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like Starbucks. I still patronize their establishments, and their coffee is okay (although for my money, and quality-wise, I'd just as well go with Dunkin Donuts or Einstein Bagels house coffee). But the "tall, grande, venti" thing is just laced with pretense when it's divorced from the proper context: ordering a drink at Starbucks.

At the College Perk Coffeehouse, it's small, medium, and large to-go drinks.

And yes, we can make your Vietnamese coffee to go, but I really don't see the point in doing so. What, you can wait 10 minutes for it to brew through into the Irish coffee mug but you can't stay 10 more minutes to enjoy it in-house?

And one more thing, when you give me a $20 and your tab is $19.92, would it kill you to leave at least eight cents in the tip jar? You look pretty damn cheap when you pocket it.

Other than that, come on down and try our Guatemalan lemonade and our fruit and cheese platter. Good stuff.

*as a heartless conservative bastard I need work developing mine, apparently.